How bad do you want it?

So here I am...on the treadmill ramping up my speed and feeling my calves cramp up as the little antagonist in my head screams at me give up or start to cry softly.  This is not unfamiliar territory to me.  I'm a bit of a baby when it comes to pushing myself past my comfort zone.  I am very familiar with what I am capable of and, inversely, what is too far.  However, too far is exactly where I need to go to find the success and gains that I want.  First though...I have to deal with the devil.
The little devil inside my head could take the shape of any number of things.  It could be my boss and the lack of a promotion.  The guy who cut me off and risked both our lives for one extra car length.  The teacher who told me "military or prison". The coworker who catches the breaks.  My mother in law who doubted my resolve.  Even...sorry honey...my wife who has always supported me but knows that sometimes I reach too far.  Any of these things can pop into my head and become an obstacle that knows every dark secret, every weakness, every fear.

It does everything that it can to break you and make you less than who you are.  It shows you the worst that could happen or highlights your flaws.  We all have it...this little devil...and how we deal with it defines not only who we are but the character that we are made of.

"Only through struggle can we determine character."

"Character is not learned, it is revealed."

This "strength of will" or "character" is how we should truly see ourselves and how we should truly know our value.  It is the purest form of US.  It is not for others to judge or critique.  It is not for them.  It's for us.

Family and friends shape and forge it with us, adversity and strife burnish it's lustre...but at the end of the day who we are is just that.  Who.  WE.  Are.

It's understanding that the situation or time in your life may be bigger than you are, difficult to overcome and almost insurmountable in it's scope...but still knowing that you are greater.  That you will triumph.  That when the smoke clears and all that's left is all you have...you are still there.

The little dog giving the big dog pause.

So I find myself still on the treadmill.  Lungs burning, sweat filling my vision and every fiber telling me that I'm not good enough...not strong enough.  So, I do the only thing that's left to me and everything that I am or hope to be.

I turn up the speed.